Ximinez: Not you! Cardinal, read the charges. Monty Python’s Flying Circus, Series 2, Episode 2. Unique DLs -- Total DLs-- Total views. Confess! All rights reserved. 1. Biggles: Our chief weapons are...um...er... Chapman: I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition.

Right! [The Inquisition exits] Chapman: I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition. Biggles! [DIABOLICAL ACTING] Our chief weapon is surprise, fear and surprise; two chief weapons, fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency! [Cut to film: moving over Brengel drawing of tortures; epic film music. The Broken Plank. Cardinal Fang [Gilliam] is just Cardinal Fang] Replacer; … Ximinez: Now, old woman -- you are accused of heresy on three counts -- heresy by thought, heresy by word, heresy by deed, and heresy by action -- *four* counts.
Clevelnd: We're innocent. Canned Script Entire Script Comfy Chairs [The door flies open and Cardinal Ximinez of Spain [Palin] enters, flanked by two junior cardinals. Confess the heinous sin of heresy, reject the works of the ungodly -- *two* last chances. Ximinez: NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! I suppose we make it worse by shouting a lot, do we? Cardinal Biggles [Jones] has goggles pushed over his forehead. (she hands over the photo and the young lady tears it up) And this is the Spanish Inquisition hiding behind the coal shed. Cardinal Fang! Biggles: Yes, lord. Biggles: We'll soon change your mind about that! Ximinez: Have you got all the stuffing up one end? Clevelnd: Innocent. I just wanted to try and ignore your crass mistake. Biggles: Shall I...? Um, I'll come in again...” ― Monty Python Read more quotes from Graham Chapman. Stop there - stop there. How do you plead? Ha! . Ximinez [angrily hurling away the cushions]: Hm! [The door flies open and Ximinez, Biggles and Fang enter.] [The cardinals enter] Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition. Biggles: That's enough. .'. Download: Manual; 0 of 0 File information. [The cardinals burst in] [Biggles carries out this rather pathetic torture] Ximinez: NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Ha! Biggles: Er.... Nobody...um.... Biggles: [rather horrified]: I couldn't do that... I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition. Ximinez: NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Ximinez: Expects... [Biggles holds out two ordinary modern household cushions] [DIABOLICAL LAUGHTER] [Fang and Biggles make a pathetic attempt to tie her on to the drying rack] Il backup è quella cosa che andava fatta prima. Ha! Biggles: I confess! (she hands over the photo and the young lady tears it up) And this is Uncle Ted at the side of the house.

Ximinez [with a cruel leer]: Now -- you will stay in the Comfy Chair until lunch time, with only a cup of coffee at eleven. [The door flies open and Cardinal Ximinez of Spain [Palin] enters, flanked by two junior cardinals. Endorsements.

Fang: You are hereby charged that you did on diverse dates commit heresy against the Holy Church. ©1995-1998 Ximinez: Fear, surprise, and a most ruthless-- [controls himself with a supreme effort] Ooooh! Ximinez: Inquisition. Amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements as: fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope, and nice red uniforms - Oh damn! We Deny Everything Ximinez: Ha! Fang [terrified]: The...Comfy Chair? [Biggles pushes in a comfy chair -- a really plush one] Ximinez: You'll have to say the bit about 'Our chief weapons are ...' [JARRING CHORD] Chapman: Trouble at mill. Ximinez: I see. If that's the way you want it -- Cardinal! [Biggles turns an imaginary handle on the side of the dish-rack] Biggles: Surprise and --

Cleveland: Pardon? Now, Cardinal -- the rack! Ximinez: Right! Ximinez: Ha!

Biggles: I know, I know! Confess! I didn't want to say anything. [They roughly push her into the Comfy Chair] Wilde: I don't understand what I'm accused of. [To Cardinal Biggles] I can't say it - you'll have to say it. Biggles: I.... Confess Tags for this mod. The Spanish Inquisition is a three-part sketch that appears in "The Spanish Inquisition," the fifteenth episode of Monty Python's Flying Circus. Biggles: It doesn't seem to be hurting her, lord. Virus scan.

Chapman: [slightly irritatedly and with exaggeratedly clear accent] One of the cross beams has gone out askew on the treadle. The concept of backup is quite confusing. Cleveland: Well what on earth does that mean? Ximinez: Now, old lady -- you have one last chance. Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition; Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition. Fetch...THE COMFY CHAIR!

Ximinez: You....Right! Safe to use . Ha! 'My old man said follow the--' [The Inquisition exits] And you shall be free -- *three* last chances.

Ximinez looks at it and clenches his teeth in an effort not to lose control. Tie her down. Well, we shall see. All rights reserved. [JARRING CHORD] Ximinez:Right! Chapman: One on't cross beams gone owt askew on treadle. Share this quote: Like Quote. Original upload 24 October 2015 1:41AM. [Biggles produces a plastic-coated dish-drying rack. “No one expects the Spanish Inquisition! Stop. February 10, 2018 tutorials. Ximinez: It makes it all seem so stupid. [JARRING CHORD] On to next scene, or back to previous scene ©1995-1998 [Ximinez bundles the cardinals outside again] Dear Old Lady: This is Uncle Ted in front of the house. Ximinez: No, just pretend for God's sake. [JARRING CHORD] [The cardinals burst in] Ximinez: NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! [JARRING CHORD] Ximinez: Okay, stop. (she hands over the photo and the young lady tears it up) This is Uncle Ted, back again at the front of the house, but you can see the side of the house. [To Cleveland] Now, how do you plead?

You have three last chances, the nature of which I have divulged in my previous utterance. Poke her with the soft cushions! [Zoom into Fang's horrified face] Biggles: Here they are, lord. [JARRING CHORD] Ha! Last updated 24 October 2015 1:33AM. Phew! Cardinal, give the rack [oh dear] give the rack a turn. Ximinez: Confess! Biggles! Put her in the Comfy Chair! Ximinez: Ha!

(Friend takes it with the first sign of real interest.)
Chapman: One on't cross beams gone owt askew on treadle. Ximinez: Surprise... Cleveland: Oh no - what kind of trouble?

[aside, to Biggles] Is that really all it is? Biggles: I... ... our chief weapons are surprise...blah blah blah. A rough translation could be something like this: the backup is the thing that had to be done before. [Biggles stands their awkwardly and shrugs his shoulders] THIS WAS THE SPANISH INQUISITION . Confess! He hums heavily to cover his anger] Biggles: What? ], Voice Over: 'IN THE EARLY YEARS OF THE SIXTEENTH CENTURY, TO COMBAT THE RISING TIDE OF RELIGIOUS UNORTHODOXY, THE POPE GAVE CARDINAL XIMINEZ OF SPAIN LEAVE TO MOVE WITHOUT LET OR HINDRANCE THROUGHOUT THE LAND, IN A REIGN OF VIOLENCE, TERROR AND TORTURE THAT MAKES A SMASHING FILM. Ximinez: Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! Then we'll make you understand! The Broken Plank. Biggles: Expects... Nobody expects the...um...the Spanish...um... I'll come in again. An ancient italian proverb says. (she hands over the photo and the young lady tears it up) This is Uncle Ted at the back of the house. Created by clanky4 . Confess! We Deny Everything


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